Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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