Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
