you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize