Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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