you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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