i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
