I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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