took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
