We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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