So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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