i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
