Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize