Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
wow bdsm is so cute
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