Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
What a dumb baby whore.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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