I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
