Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
