Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
