U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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