'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
