Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

i love accidental penises.

Fav 16 3239 1306
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.

Fav 26 1952 4135
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(409): View more from Texas

Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.

Fav 25 1640 5018
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(812): View more from Indiana

i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.

Fav 50 7414 1125
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(614): View more from Ohio

he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.

Fav 32 1491 15731
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(317): View more from Indiana

I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.

Fav 36 7561 1875
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

What are your plans?

(1-608): View more from Wisconsin

Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.

Fav 1 1048 517
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(702): View more from Nevada

Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.

Fav 1 25 14
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