New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
