I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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