I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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