did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
