we have officially lost it.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
