:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
