he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
