ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
