Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
