My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Farmville is her only friend.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
