Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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