Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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