I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
