this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
