did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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