I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
