I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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