Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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