Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
