Say something about gay babies.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
