she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
