The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
