i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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