i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
