I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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