There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
