My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
