I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
