Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
