And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
