Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
