So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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