My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
