I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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