I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
