yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
