So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
