Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
