well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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