I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
