I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
