Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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