im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
