it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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