Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
