I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
