Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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