oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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