kristin has been a bad kristin
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
