Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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