It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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