**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
