it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
