She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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