They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
