He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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