So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
