do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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