The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
