I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How external is "for external use only"?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
