i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
