Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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